Are you hungry for a decent burger? I sure am. The problem is avoiding all those fast-food joints and taking matters into your own hands to get the kind of burger that will really satisfy. Taking this into account, I decided that the best burger in the world is the one that you make for yourself. The question is: what kind of burger am I looking for?
I love the Quad-Stacker burger from Burger King. Four beef patties, four slices of cheese and four strips of bacon. Seriously, I'm getting a hard-on just thinking about it. Sure, at some restaurants you can find a sort of "novelty" burger that isn't all that bad.
Nope, sorry, that's not what I'm looking for. I need a BURGER! Not finger food. How about another example.
THAT... IS... BEAUTIFUL! However, I think we can do better. In fact, let's just hop to it.
Now, I when I started taking pictures for this blog, I wasn't sure how I was really going to do it. I started off cooking 1/4 lb. beef patties in a normal large pan. Shortly thereafter, it dawned on me that to make the ultimate at-home burger, we'd have to do better than two patties of meat. Four would not suffice, either. How many was I going to need?
A DOZEN!
Now that should make for a good burger! Okay, moving onward. Thankfully, I had a few baking pans in the kitchen, which I put to god use.
Ready to go!
Once the burgers were done cooking, I began to assemble this beautiful art piece of dead cattle.After the first three patties, I realized that the cheese was making the stability of this meat tower very unstable. After thinking for several painful seconds, I took some inspiration from the Andy's photo and used a kebab skewer to help center and stabilize it during construction. What a relief, it worked! Well, sort of.
Gaze upon the finished product! This monstrosity of beefy, cheesy goodness! Bow before it's almighty fattening glory! One bun, 12 1/4 lb. beef patties and 20 slices of cheese! Trust me, it's all in there.
I can only tell you what pride I felt after creating the eighth wonder of the world, however, it was close to what some people feel after their first child is born. I was so instilled with pride I had to look over at my sweating oven and say, "Look, honey! Look what we did! Isn't she beautiful? She'll be the best tasting baby we ever ate!"
As I began to devour my precious little child I could only think, to myself, "how in the world could I top this? This is a really good burger. Well, the damn thing was ready to topple over like Jenga-- the entire time, so maybe going taller isn't the answer." The thought drifted through my mind as my stomach began to riddle with agony after attempting to consume such proportions. As I began to pass out, while chugging Pepto, I knew I could not give up on the search for the perfect burger.
Stay tuned.
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