Oh, right, I ordered an AB-Lounge Ultra. Why the hell did I do that? Am I getting fat? No, not very likely. Well, as long as it's here, I may as well use it, right? Time to feel the burn!
Oh, right, I ordered an AB-Lounge Ultra. Why the hell did I do that? Am I getting fat? No, not very likely. Well, as long as it's here, I may as well use it, right? Time to feel the burn!
Squirt jumped inside and took a look around.
"Um, Chad," she said, "I think this is going to take some work. This will probably take some level of mechanical skill that you do not currently possess."
Squirt was right. I am, by no means, mechanically inclined. Sure, I could fix your computer but when it comes to anything not related to that subject, it becomes a difficult task to even microwave a frozen burrito.
I inspected the item more closely and was astonished at the humility of my situation. Shame began to set in as I knew I would be forced to resort to alternative measures to ensure the construction of the devise.
Then, a thought dawned on me. Why should I be the one to have to put this thing together. Why not someone better? Someone.......SUPER! But who? Who would come to save the day? At that moment a mysterious figure broke down my back door, pushed me to the ground and stole my burrito.
Then, a thought dawned on me. Why should I be the one to have to put this thing together. Why not someone better? Someone.......SUPER! But who? Who would come to save the day? At that moment a mysterious figure broke down my back door, pushed me to the ground and stole my burrito.
"Never fear, Ratchet-Man is here!"
My masked assailant stood above me, striking a gallant pose and kicking me in the balls.
"Your feeble skills are no match for mine, human! Stand back and allow me to construct the devise and make out with your girlfriend! Oh, and your burrito is still cold in the middle."
My masked assailant stood above me, striking a gallant pose and kicking me in the balls.
"Your feeble skills are no match for mine, human! Stand back and allow me to construct the devise and make out with your girlfriend! Oh, and your burrito is still cold in the middle."
Ratchet-Man struck another pose after drinking my last beer.
"Stay out of the way, mortal! You are not fit to call yourself a man and you smell of elderberries!"
"Stay out of the way, mortal! You are not fit to call yourself a man and you smell of elderberries!"
Ratchet-Man grabbed my phone and ordered pizza on my credit card. Then he ordered pay-per-view porn and made me fix him a vodka-tonic. I could hear him from the next room shouting, "If you put one vegetable on that pizza I'll rip your fucking balls off! I want meat, not a damn salad!"
At that moment, I lunged at him with a knife but he slapped me in the face and took it away from me.
"Silly human, Ratchet-Man cannot be hurt by physical means! You have no idea that......hey, that's a sweet knife. I'm taking this"
"Silly human, Ratchet-Man cannot be hurt by physical means! You have no idea that......hey, that's a sweet knife. I'm taking this"
After feeding him several more vodkas, Ratchet-Man calmed down and decided to take a look at the AB-Lounge.
"A manual? Ratchet-Man has no use for manuals! Where is my super-lighter so I can burn them like I burned David Caruso's acting ability."
As it turned out, the Ab-Lounge Ultra came almost completely assembled. This was a good thing because Ratchet-Man was getting pretty drunk and staring rather oddly at my cat. I was beginning to become worried.
"Observe my skills, human! No ordinary man can match my abilities! My powers are far beyond anything your human comics have shown you! By the way, I used to beat up Superman in high-school. Seriously!"
Ratchet-Man decided to strike one last pose before leaving. Of course he stole my wallet, as well. I truly, truly despise him. Of course, I couldn't help but think to myself that I might not have seen the last of that costumed asshole. Better get bigger door locks, I think. God, my balls still hurt.
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