I stopped by Burger King yesterday in my daily process of making sure the vegetarians never get a fighting chance to take over. I stop by there about once a week and am a great lover of the Quad-Stacker burger.
Seriously, four beef patties, four slices of cheese and four strips of bacon. How can you not love that? It really is the king of burgers. Now, some of you might say, "No! The whopper is! It's the original Burger King sandwich!" Not so, fruitcake. But I do happen to have a whopper-related gripe right now.
When you actually go inside the restaurant and order food, you tend to get a greeting like this: "Hi, how can I help you?" Or: "Hello, what can I get you today?"
Okay, see, that was how it's supposed to be. It's quick, to the point, and there was no unnecessary conversation about my ass, not that I would really mind it. Okay, next example.
The drive-thru is a bit different. This is not only because there is a greater chance of your order getting screwed up, but because the greeting you receive is also different. When you pull up, the first thing you usually hear is, "Hi, would you like to try a ---- combo today?"
Wait a minute, what the hell was that? Was the employee just making suggestions to me about what I should eat from their establishment? I've been to fast food joints a few times in my life and I have a pretty good idea of what I like and what I don't like. I know what I order often, what I order occasionally and what I never order.
Fast food dude, let me decide for myself, okay?
Now, the drive-thru is supposed to be the fastest way to get your order. It, usually, beats getting out of your vehicle and going inside but this is not always true. What you want to see is a clear drive-thru without a million cars ahead of you. What you usually see is this:
I hope you remembered to bring a book.
While most people know this can be a common occurrence, there tend to be those people who are just too impatient to wait for their order like everyone else and take matters into their own hands.
Let me tell you, drive-thru stupidity doesn't stop there. I almost rode a bike through a McDonalds drive-thru many years ago. The only reason I was going to attempt to do so was because I was insanely drunk but it seemed like a good idea at the time and I figured they wouldn't turn me away for not actually being in a car. As it turns out some people have done similar things.
I really should have thought of this one. I can't tell you how many times I go out to the barn in my backyard and wonder what I could use the horses for, besides sex. Wait, what?
I tell ya, it's too much weirdness to deal with, sometimes. Except for one special item:
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